How do you find a compatible person or family with whom to share housing? Carefully! And here are some good steps to help you do that. You want to get to know potential housemates as well as possible as quickly as possible, and with care.
Fill this worksheet out before you meet with anyone, then bring it along when you meet anyone face-to-face – use it to keep yourself honest. Having your ideas in writing will help you focus on the important questions and the understandings you hope to arrive at by the end of your meeting. When meeting a second time use both this and “20 Questions” to move your discussions forward.
This worksheet will help you get to the business at hand, and will, at the least, give you lots to talk about.
A) Personal & Family Traits:
1. I’m used to a home being (check all that apply)
__a pig pen
__tidy
__messy
__cluttered but clean
__”white glove” clean
__ loud and lively
__quiet
__calm soft music or tv
2. I clean up after myself (or my kids/pets) (check all that apply)
__Immediately
__ once a week
__ seldom
__ only if reminded
__even if it’s not mine
__if it’s yours, I’ll let it sit ‘til it rots
__I’ll teach whoever left the mess how to do it themselves next time
__I’m oblivious unless I fall over it
__other
3. I want to be able to smoke in my house
___yes
___ no
___only outside
4. I don’t want any smoking anywhere near me
__yes
__ doesn’t matter
5. I’d like to share food in the house
__yes
__ never
__sometimes
6. Our / my diet is (circle one):
vegetarian
omnivore
no pork
vegan
fast food
no sugar
no wheat
other (describe)
7. I /we eat:
___a lot of desserts
__some sweets
__no sweets
__deal with diabetes or special needs
__a lot of garlic
8. Pets
__are wonderful – any type, size, or shape
__ bring up issues around allergies – let’s talk
__are problematic, OK if small and quiet only
__can’t be in the house, with, possibly, the exception of goldfish
__ what would not be okay in terms of animal behavior or care?
9. Meals at home are:
__ the very best, daily
__ OK, occasionally
__OK, but I like to eat alone
__best with friends
__sometimes OK to cook with others in the house
__other
10. Alcohol in the house:
__I drink some wine or beer occasionally
__is a must
__cannot be tolerated
__in moderation
__is a problem, since I’m recovering from addiction
__Illegal drugs in the house – discussion is needed
11. My behavior /personality changes when I drink alcohol
__yes
__ no
When I take prescription / over the counter drugs
__yes
__ no
12. I have had problems with alcohol or drugs in the past
__yes (describe, or be ready to talk about this)
__ no
13. Someone would describe our family’s/my health as
__normal
__rarely sick
__frequently ill
__having ongoing problems
14. Mental health issues:
__depression
__ anxiety disorders
__non-existent
__other
15. The most important social, political issues to me are:
How might it be for me if my housemate held equally strong and opposing positions?
16. Issues of religion and religious practices are:
__important to me
__don’t matter to me
__good for starting discussions
B) Schedules and Activities:
__ Lots of scheduled activities
__Home during the day
__Lots of travel
__Home weekends
__home evenings
__Some company
__ hate company
__Lots of company
My style of living is:
__hectic
__busy
__ flexible
__empty
__unpredictable
__undependable
__relaxed
If there are children:
__I have custody of them (sexes & ages)
__there is shared custody
__Life is focused on them
If there are pets:
__they are small & confined (breed: _______________)
__well-behaved (or)__wild-crazy
__As/more important as people
C) Relationships:
1. I have a boyfriend/girlfriend I like to have over ____times a week
__We usually have dinner, watch TV, talk
__I like to have her/him spend the night ___times a week/month
__I’m not in a relationship right now but
__I won’t be in one, and can’t live with someone who is
2. I invite the following people over occasionally or regularly:
3. Overnight guests:
__OK with advance notice
__Not in my space
__OK if occasional
__not in the bathroom when I’m around
What defines that they’ve moved in?
What has to be agreed upon ahead of time for this to occur?
4. I have left a domestic violence situation.
__yes How long ago?_________________
__ no
I feel that there is still danger
__yes
__no
5. I presently have a restraining or protection order against someone
__yes
__no
6. I’d like a housemate to be: (check all that apply)
__my friend (and one to my kids, if I have them)
__an extended part of the family
__someone who understands & can share responsibilities
__just a reliable person with whom to share housing
7. I think the relationship can change over time:
__yes
__no
8. I hope that this arrangement will last __________(how long?)
9. I think that this is:
__my next adventure
__a last resort
__interesting to explore
D) Communication: Answer yes or no to each
1. If there’s conflict:
__I like to talk about things right away, staying away from blame
__I take some time to figure out how I feel
__I try to fix things on my own
__I talk with others, outside of the situation, first
__I want to move out and on
__I want to figure out who’s at fault
__I shut down
__Other
2. I would like to:
__have regular house meetings
__think all who are living in the house should participate
__think “agreeing to disagree” can be viable
__want to be kept informed about what’s going on in others’ lives
__ to listen to complaints without getting defensive, even if they’re not presented tactfully
3. I hate being asked “is something wrong?”
__yes
__no
If there is, I’ll say so
__yes
__ no
4. I hate the feeling that something is amiss, but the other person isn’t saying anything and even denies it
__yes
__no
5. If I ask, but am told nothing’s wrong, I put it out of my mind
__yes
__no
6. I like to write notes
__yes
__no
7. What really pushes my buttons is:
8. It’s frustrating when an adult:
9. It’s frustrating when a child:
10. It’s frustrating when a pet:
E) Other:
- I have a current drivers license __yes __no
- I have a vehicle. Type? I will / won’t share
- I have current insurance __yes __no
- The disadvantages of homesharing for me are:
- The advantages of homesharing for me are:
- If I own the home, I will try to make the other feel welcome by:
- If I am moving into someone’s home, I will make myself feel at home and help them feel comfortable by:
- When things get broken, how will I respond when it’s my favorite ___?
- If I want to get/receive service instead of paying, what could I receive? Offer
- I would want to end the arrangement if:
- How might prejudice limit the people I’m willing to consider?
The ideal homeshare would be:
Resources: